|Main blog:||The blue glass...|
|Birthday:||February 5th |
|Occupation:||Technical / Computers|
|Education:||High school, Graduate degree, School of life|
|Religion:||Spiritual but not religious|
|Race/lineage:||White / Caucasian|
|Height:||5' 7" (170 cm)|
|Hair Color:||Platinum Blonde|
|Hair Style:||Straight - Medium|
|Tattoo Info:||None, yet...|
|Piercing Info:||Ears, Tongue|
|First thing you'll notice:||It's the damn smile that makes them curious...|
|Relationship Status:||Single - Never Married|
|Family Info:||2 brothers, mum and dad and 2 cats called Killu & Stiiv who absolutely drive me crazy. + those few friends that hang in there with me.|
|Astrological Sign:||Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)|
|Liquor:||Social drinker. One or two|
|Your Home:||Live with pets|
|Biography/About:||Born in Tartu, Estonia, now living in Tallinn.|
|Likes:||handicraft, playing the piano, classical music, jazz, making love, romance, drawing, hip-hop dancing, singing, karaoke|
|Dislikes:||liars, alcohol, smoking, people who use others, boring people|
|Interests:||handicraft, singing, hip-hop, dancing, |
|People/Heroes:||My grandmother, |
|Books:||Kadri*Kasuema, Dragonlance books, The Novice, The hobbit, |
|Authors:||Trudi Canavan, Silvia Rannamaa, Barbara Cartland, |
|Music Genres:||jazz, classical, trip-hop, guitar/pop, 90's pop, various|
|Albums/CDs:||Boheme, Unausgesprochen, Little Voice, It's time, Call Me Irresponsible, |
|Songs:||Vonda Shepard - Maryland, Kansas - Dust in the wind, Westlife - Seasons in the sun, Jaxy - Bad stuff, Jaxy - Fade away, Incubus - Drive, Incubus - I miss you, Incubus - Stellar, Skye Edwards - Calling, Skye Edwards - Love Show, Morcheeba - Rome wasn't built in a day, Frou Frou - Shh, Kosheen - Face in the crowd, Michael Buble - Everything, Michael Buble - Home, Michael Buble - Lost, Conjure One - Center of the sun, |
|TV Shows:||Scrubs, Sex and the city, Heroes, Gossip Girl, House MD, 90210, Cupid, The Sanctuary, Legend of the Seeker, Merlin, Bones, Stargate SG-1, Charmed, Trust me, Tuultepealne maa, Ohtlik lend, Kelgukoerad.|
|Movies:||A Good Year, Once, Under the Tuscan Sun, The Sound of Music, The Lake House, No Reservations, Gladiator, Transformers, My Girl, Die Hard 4.0, Ae Fond Kiss, PS. I Love You, The Notebook, Keith, The Mistress of Spices, A Walk to Remember, Step Up I/II, Shall We Dance, Take The Lead, The Devil Wears Prada, I Am Sam, The Pursuit of Happyness, Seven Pounds, He's just not that into you, The Other End of the Line, Stolen Memories, Over The Hedge, Finding Nemo, Ice Age (I/II), Madagascar (I/II), The Emperor's New Groove|
|Actors:||Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Drew Barrymore, Zach Braff, Nicholas Cage, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Bruce Willis, Scarlett Johansen, Keri Russell, Russell Crowe, Gerard Butler, , more to come...|
|Games:||Sea Battle, Caesar III, Theme Hospital, Transport Tycoon|
|Food:||Chinese, Japanese, Estonian|
|Drink:||Blue Lagoon, Vana Tallinn Orange Cream, Blue Angel, Rum&Coke, Screwdriver, Blue Monday, Kamikaze|
|Quotes:||Don't worry! It's all gonna turn out fine!" - "How???!!??!!!" - "Don't know... It's a mystery.." :)|
|Position:||You've gotta find that out yourself... who's in my bed, knows.|
Slow, warm and fuzzy... |
Cheesy? Maybe... but it's real to me. Excited and warm'n'fuzzy all inside. No need to rush... no need to run away. Just stand still and enjoy what's coming. Even though it all makes me anxious, excited and worried at the same time, I'm actually quite proud that I've managed to keep my cool for a while and only had some occasional melancholic moments. I guess it's only human to have doubts, about yourself and others...
Considering that I haven't had something even close to a working relationship for about 2,5 years if not even longer, I'm calm. I know I make mistakes... I'm tip-toeing...
Let this be my shore...
Guess who hasn't written in months. A lot has changed I guess. Therapy is over, I'm getting better... I've found my balance, at least I'm thinking I did.
Been looking out for myself, been alone for a while, cut off relations with people that irritate me... people that give me nothing... people that I've loved and that have rejected me. I'm done with the whole "good-Samaritan act". I'm leaving it for someone else. Someone that is better in this than I've ever been.
I've met someone. I guess that was the real trigger to writing something down here. In fact, first hand I wasn't even sure if...
You don't understand me...
Going back to therapy and trying to understand myself... I knew it was going to be hard but that it'll be this hard and that I'll end back in the beginning of my sorrow and pain... I wasn't ready for it. Or maybe I am, just not really realizing how strong I can be. I wish these feelings would just disappear, I hope that I would be able to understand the whole thing... what's going on? What do you all want from me? What can I be? Who can I be? Should I escape away?
Fuck this, seriously, what does everyone want from me? Better yet, forget all about me and let me be. Away, alone, on my own......
A little bit lost... and...
My hands are shaking, it's not your usual "I had one too many drinks" kind of shaking... it's more the "I'm afraid of myself" kind of shaking. No, I won't do anything to myself.
No, there's no need to worry... it's all in my head... the way I feel like, the way that I am at the moment... the restlessness. One more day just to overcome and then I get to spend it at home with myself.
I must say that I miss people, I miss hugging, I miss closeness. These moments in the night, utterly sad and lost... they just eat me up at times. And it feels as if there's not much I can do about it.