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Brandon Kieser
| Main blog: | The Tubby Parcel | | Age: | 21 | | Birthday: | July 17th 1985 | | Gender: | Male | | Occupation: | Artistic / Creative | | Education: | Some college | | Religion: | Agnostic | | Service Attendance: | Never | | Race/lineage: | White / Caucasian | | Location: | United States, Montana, Anaconda |
| Body Size: | Sturdy | | Height: | 6' 0" (183 cm) | | Eyes: | Green | | Vision: | Glasses when driving | | Hair Color: | Brown | | Hair Style: | Straight - Short | | Facial Hair: | Stubbly | | Skin Tone: | Light | | Best Feature: | Hair | | Clothing Pref.: | Business - Casual | | Undies: | Boxers | | Tattoo Info: | The moles on my ass almost look like the face of Celine Dion. | | Piercing Info: | I once had an open wound on my finger from an accident involving a pencil and a rabid ferret. Does that count? | | More Details: | I'm egocentric, suave, personable, smart, handsome, and good in bed. Did I mention egocentric? |
| Relationship Status: | Single - Never Married | | Family Info: | No, I wouldn't make out with my cousin. | | Sexual Preference: | Straight/Heterosexual | | Astrological Sign: | Cancer (June 22 - July 22) | | Existing as: | Human | | Smoking: | No Way | | Liquor: | Social drinker. One or two | | Exercise: | Regularly | | Your Home: | Live with roommate(s) | | Biography/About: | In my senior high school yearbook, I was apparently supposed to be "the next Robin Williams." I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to this, being that Robin Williams can either be this hilarious, laugh out loud funny guy, or a pedofilie/dancing rainbow man/molested photographer. I guess I wouldn't mind being a photographer. | | Likes: | Hitting things with sticks, throwing blunt objects at people (especially the handicapped, they always give the best reactions), irritating the masses, and just causing general mayhem. | | Dislikes: | Anyone who even remotely has the same personality that I do. Friggin' annoying as hell, man... | | Interests: | music, movies, speech, being the underling to the guy who conquers the world, gonnaherpesyphillaids |
| People/Heroes: | Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, John Irving, Ghenghis Khan, Stephen King | | Books: | The Straw Men, The Gulag Archipelago, Harry Potter, The Cider House Rules, The Hotel New Hampshire, The World According to Garp, Rainbow Six, The Gunslinger Series | | Authors: | Stephen King, John Irving, Al Franken, Tom Clancy, John Sandford, Terry Pratchett, Chuck Pallahnuik | | Music Genres: | Alternative, Punk, Ska, Progressive, Contemporary | | Bands/Artists: | Modern Day Hero, Two To Go, Osker, Lucky Boy's Confusion, Stephen Lynch, Reel Big Fish, A Perfect Circle, Ten Foot Pole, Lagwagon, NOFX, The Weakerthans, Matchbox 20, Goo Goo Dolls, Incubus, No Use for a Name, Queen, Bowling For Soup, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie, Snow Patrol, REM | | Albums/CDs: | Idle Will Kill, The 13th Step, A Boy Named Goo, A Hangover You Don't Deserve | | Songs: | Disconnect, disconnect, The Noose, Otherside, Personal Problem | | TV Shows: | South Park, Undergrads, Clerks, Saved by the Bell, Futurama, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Simpsons, The Venture Bros., The X-Files, Malcom in the Middle | | Movies: | Dogma, Mallrats, Donnie Darko, Saw, Chasing Amy, Clerks, Troy, The Jerk, The Nightmare Before Christmas | | Actors: | Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, Will Ferrel, Toby Maguire, Cameron Diaz, Peirce Brosnan, Jenna Jameson, Matt Damon | | Games: | Cranium, Scategories, Grand Theft Auto 3, Madden 2005, Dance Dance Revolution | | Sports: | Dance Dance Revolution, Football, Basketball, Baseball, World Conquest | | Colors: | Blue, Green, Orange, Teal | | Pets/Animals: | Grandmother | | Cars/Motorcyles: | 1990 Dodge Dynasty, 1992 Mercury Topaz, 2000 Dodge Intrepid | | Season: | Spring, Summer, Mating | | Food: | Pasta | | Drink: | Sprite, 7-Up | | Quotes: | I like to go to the schools and watch the children run, jump, and yell... of course, they don't realize that I'm firing blanks., Some say that I'm sick and twisted, but in all reality, I have the heart of a young boy... in a jar on my desk. | | Position: | Any |
Short Entry To Let You Know I'm Not Dead
Once upon a time, I knew a couple of lesbians who got food poisoning from Subway. I told them that's what they get when they stop eating tacos and attempt to down six inches.
Anyway, I'm not dead. I'm alive. For the most part. I just don't have internet. So gimme time, folks. Just gimme time.
A Rant In E Minor
Alright, I'm a meat eater. A filthy carnivorous soul-sucking
cow-killer. Maybe not literally, except for the soul-sucking part, but
I do enjoy the slice of bacon or the healty swell of a roast whenever
it's available. I pretty much stick to the rituals of animalistic
nature...eat or be eaten. I don't want to be eaten, so I'll take a
chunk of elk steak any day.
You might think I'm about to go off on vegetarians. Not so. I've always
been one to live and let live. Vegetarians have their reasons, you
know, with 'animal rights' and 'cruel and unusual treatment' and that
shtick. I...
Jigaboohoo Chillen
I'm racist. Well, not exactly racist, but really really close to it, so
close it's like I'm in the same boat with Strom Thurman and David Duke,
passing along humorous anectdotes and making jokes about Stevie Wonder
while whipping the slaves rowing us along. See, the one defining
difference between me and most racists is the species the hatred is
geared at. I'm a dog racist.
I hate little dogs. Hate 'em hate 'em hate 'em. They're ugly, they're
pretty much good for nothing but getting on your lap and pissing
themselves, AND they seem to think everyone wants to be their friends.
I...
A Short Story
Freddie the Squirrel was a happy squirrel. He spent his days running
amok the streets of Missoula, MT, gathering, collecting, pilfering, and
all in all just having a good ol' time. Yes, it seemed life was perfect
for Freddie. No natural enemies around to stalk him, plenty of food,
more trees than he could ever climb, and lots of girly squirrels to
jump on at random. Yes, things were good... almost too good.
Though he wasn't aware of it, Freddie was a very hyperactive squirrel.
His heart rate was 70% faster than that of a normal small woodland
creature, and everywhere he went, we...
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