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Deaders
| Main blog: | Dead Eyes | | Age: | 19 | | Birthday: | January 6th 1989 | | Gender: | Female | | Occupation: | Artistic / Creative | | Education: | High school | | Religion: | Not religious | | Service Attendance: | Never | | Race/lineage: | White / Caucasian | | Location: | South Africa, Cape Town |
| Body Size: | Slender | | Height: | 5' 6" (168 cm) | | Eyes: | Hazel Green | | Vision: | No assisted eyewear | | Hair Color: | Dark Brown | | Hair Style: | Wavy - Medium | | Facial Hair: | None | | Skin Tone: | Light | | Best Feature: | Eyes | | Clothing Pref.: | Gothic | | Undies: | Bikini | | Tattoo Info: | ah crap. i wish i had a tattoo. it would be really cool. I do have a semi one tho. i have a burn on my back that looks like a trible thingey. Surprisingly tattoo-ish O_o | | Piercing Info: | Nope. none. id like my eyebrow pierced tho...er...perhaps. no...maybe not... | | More Details: | MORE?? omw. im weird, strange, look funny, dress funny, act funny, eat funny, i live in my own world, and have no affection for the outside world. oh. and i have too much silver stuff. |
| Relationship Status: | Single - Involved | | Family Info: | I have two older brothers, 20 and 23, one at home and one out of home. My parents are ok with each other. Im the youngest, and the least talented. Im the quiet crazy one. | | Sexual Preference: | Really Straight | | Astrological Sign: | Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) | | Existing as: | Vampyre | | Smoking: | No Way | | Liquor: | Never | | Exercise: | Regularly | | Your Home: | Live with parents | | Biography/About: | Ive never been the popular one. i make friends semi easily,but they should rather be termed acquaintances.None of them are "friends."Im the weird crazy one.Living in her head for more than is healthy. | | Likes: | Music,MUSIC,drawing,MUSIC,writing, reptiles,gareth,hugging etc gareth :P, RPG,COMPUTER GAMES.OMOMOM, PLANESCAPE TORMENT PWNS!!...O_o *ahem* *calms down* anything techie.crazy stuffs.Guitars.chinese food. free stuff.existentialism.Philosophy | | Dislikes: | Show offs, preps, wedding food, people who dont give u free stuff. People who like me (except some ;P) music below a certain volume (loud makes everything better) playing base | | Interests: | reading, writing, drawing, gareth, sitting in the dark and thinking, being alone, being alone outside at night in the dark, being myself no matter what |
| People/Heroes: | hm. i dont have many favorite people or heroes, Dryden Mitchel, for what hes been through and still achieved and mostly cz he rocks | | Books: | Only forward by Micheal Marshall Smith, the outsider by Albert Camus, Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre, Tithe by Holly black | | Authors: | Micheal Marshall Smith, Albert Camus, Jean Paul Sartre, Steven erikson, R.A Salvatore | | Music Genres: | Alternative, Rock, Emo, Metal, Black Metal, | | Bands/Artists: | Deftones, Slipknot, Dashboard Confessional, Spill Canvas, Rage Against the Machine, Nirvana, Alien Ant Farm, Placebo, Gorillaz, Finger 11, Dead Poetic, Taproot, MCR, Snow Patrol, Jason Sweet, AFI, Dresden Dolls, | | Albums/CDs: | Greyest of Blue Skies, Dead Poetic, Gift | | Songs: | You, Dare you to move, Broken Words, Thousand Mile Wish, Asleep, Bliss Tearing Eyes, Aim Snap Fall, Poem, cemetary drive | | TV Shows: | INVADER ZIM!!!, jackass, south park, Fooly Cooly | | Movies: | Donny Darko, Grave of the Fireflies, Kung Pow, King Rat, Try, Waking Life | | Actors: | Jack Black, Seth Green, Jake Gyllenhaal | | Games: | PLANESCAPE TORMENT, Theif, Drakan, Doom3, Ultima VIII, most RPG's, FINAL FANTASY 7&8!! | | Sports: | huh? wha- O_o | | Colors: | Dark Red, black, dark blue, lime green, burnt orange | | Pets/Animals: | Ferrets, Iguanas, Siamese fighter fish, dogs, cats, tigers | | Cars/Motorcyles: | Suzuki motorbike, citroen, peugot @_@ | | Season: | Autumn | | Food: | Salads, french fries, anything with cheese :p banana and peanut butter O_o | | Drink: | Ice Tea, Sprite, H20, guava juice, COFFEH | | Quotes: | I dont think im positive. Everyone else is just negative. | | Position: | position? uh...i do sit funny O_o in a way that everyone thinks should be painfull. |
I dont know anymore
Relationships... Friendships...People. The definition of fucking awful. I dont know how I pick the people around me... I always seem to end up in the fucked up situation. A shitty life, I can deal with. I can take it.
But these feelings, these situations, with other living breathing people.
If you had told me things would be this way a few years ago, Id probably tell you youre an idiot and laugh in your face.
Stupid, stupid old Rene... You were so much better... No, no you werent. You were just simpler... Screwed up, too many problems, over emotional, but so much simpler.
The days when I...
huh. surprising
I never realised how good some friends can make you <deleted> feel. I know they can put you through shit, and sometimes they take alot of maintenance. But I dont think you realise how good it is to have them around, untill you dont see them forever.
Then you speak to them, and you wonder what kind of idiot you were to ever think you didnt need them.
Everyone has their place in this big puzzle. big... big puzzle. Called my screwy life. Everyone comes together with their little inputs into one big friend machine that spouts fuzzy happiness and glowing exteriors, most times, if not all....
blarr
ugh. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I just feel so screwed up. I have no reason to feel this way at all...
I keep on trying to blame people around me, but theres nothing wrong with them. Its just all me. I keep on trying to say "just wait things out till that happens, then itll be ok." But how would that help, when its me Im not ok with?
I just wish I could change things.
Everything would be so different.
I feel like I cant even be my normal self, because I cant feel enough to give to other people. I just want to be alone somewhere....
and I dont know why...
*gnash*
I wrote an entry. It got deleted... Basically it said: I feel lost. I dont know what Im doing. Why am i fucking around with iTunes on a saturday night? Its not like it would be hard to find something better to do.
"oh, here is a lemon. Let me cut it in half and pour its juice into my eye. Im already having more fun!"
It also said something about the cosmos giving me a map with a star on one side, "You Are Here" and a question mark on the opposite side, "Where you Should be" and in the middle they chucked a whole field of cluster fucks, mountains, valleys, pits of venemous leprachauns and the...
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